How To Encourage Your Girlfriend or Wife To Lose Weight – Without Getting Slapped!

sensitive-man-secretYes I know, this is a sensitive topic that most wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole.

Especially in this day and age when gluten free vegan feminists start rampaging on Twitter the moment you even mention “women” and “weight” in the same sentence.

But I didn’t write this for them. Nor did I write this for dick-head guys who don’t know how to treat their lady. I wrote this for real men who are genuinely concerned about their female partner, and want to help them steer towards change.

So to those men I say: I know exactly where you’re coming from. I feel you. When you see your woman lose her goddess like figure right in front of your eyes, you feel helpless. You feel like you need to save her. You feel like you should do something. I mean if you love your mistress, you should encourage what’s best for her, right?

Well of course!

But what happens when we try to verbalize our positive intentions?

We are rewarded with tears, slaps, scratches and household objects that end up doing double duty as projectiles aimed right at our faces.

And that’s only in the house. God forbid she spins the story and rants about it on social media. That’s when you’re truly fucked.

If it sounds like I’ve been there, then you are correct.

So the first thing you need to do is think about why you need to bring up this conversation. Do you want her to lose weight only for your selfish needs? If so, you’re an idiot. If she’s gained like three pounds and it bothers you then suck it up. It’s not worth it. Hell, my female clients fluctuate by as much as 5 pounds sometimes. That’s just how their bodies work.

However, if she’s gained like 30 and it’s starting to become a legitimate health issue, then I believe that you have the moral obligation to bring this up. Even “if” you get slapped.

A Quick Note To The Five (Skeptical) Women Who Are Reading This Out Of Curiosity

woman-skeptical-curiousKnow that 95% of the time when your man is making an attempt to ask you to become ‘healthier’, its coming from a good heart and with positive intentions.

We men are visual, and we get turned on by your physical features. Yes, your personality is important and it’s crucial that you have a brain, but when it comes down to feeling that primal sexual desire we are hard-wired for looks.

So don’t hate the way we’re made.

Feel fortunate that your man gives enough of a shit to make sure that you stay healthy even though you’ve decided to let yourself go. Not many individuals want to pick up someone that has fallen – usually you have to do that yourself, or seek professional help.

It’s an act of love, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. And please, for the love of god, don’t bring out the tears. You’ll need all those electrolytes for the gym.

Oh, and if you have suggestions on how men should approach this topic, there’s a full-functioning comment section below. Be my guest.

With That Said… Gentleman, Let’s Get To It.

Listed below are suggestions (or “tactics” I guess you could call them) in an order I decided to use to make our lives easier. But feel free to use what feels best. This is a “choose your own adventure” type scenario.

Start With The Right Intent

As weird as this may sound, I have to admit that woman are really (and I mean freakishly) good at picking up your energy and intent. You genuinely have to approach this topic from a position of someone who cares and gives a shit about her. If not, and it’s coming from a selfish place she’ll pick up on it. You can fake your words all you want, but your inner self is always coming through and it’s really hard to hide.

This is the exact reason why certain guys get harshly rejected when they compliment a woman, yet others will get a smile and a warm reception.

If you really think she looks pretty in that dress and are saying it to make her day, not many woman will hate you. Get it? Good.

Nipping The Problem At The Bud

So first of all, you should only ever date the type of women you know you want. Don’t know the type of women you want? Well then sit down and write it out. Seriously. Doing this seems shallow at first but in the long run you’ll be saving yourself (and her) lots of time. Plus it’s honest, and that’s never a bad thing.

It’s a total douche move to get into a relationship with a chick and have her believe that you truly like her… all the while you know that you just “settled” because she was willing to have you. Lame. Don’t be such a fucking loser. It’s unfair to you and more importantly, her.

Have some standards. Take myself for example. I’m into women who work out and have the self respect to take care of their bodies. I don’t care if they don’t lift, but they should be into some type of physical activity.

Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get to some real problem solving techniques

The Brutal Honesty Method

couples-talking-honestSome señoritas don’t like it when you beat around the bush (pun intended). They are almost like us men in that regard – they prefer that you speak directly to their face, without any bullshit or sugar coating.

Personally, I get stiff around these types of women because they are just so much fun to hang with.

So, if you know your woman to be of this sort then consider yourself lucky. You can just come out with it. But that doesn’t mean you need to be an asshole about it either.

Telling her she looks like a cow or a whale or telling her she’s getting “fat” is basically a death sentence. She might love honesty, but she also loves to honestly whoop your ass. Here’s a more reasonable way to go about it.

“Hey, I want you to start coming to the gym with me. I could use a partner”

“Huh? Why what are you trying to say? That I’m fat?”

“This isn’t the Biggest Loser, you’re not fat but we both know you’re slipping a little. I care about you, and want you to be healthy. You take pride in every other area of your life, so why not this?”

That’s just one example off the top of my head. If you’re reading that and thinking “that would never work” then I sense two problems. One, you’re not with a brutally honest woman like you thought you were… so try something else.

Or two, you didn’t bother coming up with your own conversation starter. Brainstorm! This isn’t welfare where I just hand it all for you. But I will give you one more way to approach this if you happen to be in the same boat as her and want to start working out together.

“Listen babe, we do a lot of amazing things together and I think we need to take better care of ourselves.”

“What?! You look fine. You don’t think I do?”

“No we’re not fine. In the last month we’ve eaten at XYZ every week, gone ABC places and did nothing but indulge. And it was awesome. But we need to balance that shit. Now I’m going to [insert your plan of action] starting next week. Are you in, or am I going to have to drag your ass with me? Because I’ll need your support”

What we’re doing here is using facts to our advantage but also leading. Women love when you make the plans, move forward and bring her along for the ride while making it fun. If it doesn’t love it, she’ll let you know.

Trust me on this one.

Wait For Her To Initiate (The Patience Method)

woman-opinion-coupleLook, women aren’t stupid (surprise, you ape!)

If they’re starting to put on unwanted weight, then chances are they realize it and will sooner or later will bring it up. “Do I look fat in these jeans” is the all time classic statement for a reason.

But in my experience, they rarely ever say such Hollywood garbage. Still, it doesn’t matter how it happens because it will. The line she uses is arbitrary and irrelevant. You just need to make sure that once she brings it up, you’re ready to make your move. Let’s play through an example…

“Hey, I think I’ve put on a bit of weight lately… am I fat to you?”

“Don’t be silly, have you seen the biggest loser? That’s considered FAT. However, because I care about you and your well being I don’t want to lie to you, I think you’ve slipped slightly, babe.”

“Omg! Really? This sucks… I hate feeling this way”

“Well it’s nothing to be all worried about. Why don’t we start cooking healthy meals more often instead of going out to eat? Oh and we can join this fun boot camp or even a salsa dancing class. I know you can dance girl!”

The good thing about waiting for the initiation is that she can’t really blame you. I mean first of all she brought it up and second of all, you were just being honest. You honest chap you. If she starts to throw a fit you can just be like “Why the fuck do you want me to lie to you? Is that what you really want? Empty compliments? I thought honesty was important”… etc.

The bad part about this little technique is that you have zero control of when it will happen. It could take her a few weeks, a month of maybe a year. And sometimes the problem could get seriously out of control which is why personally, I would never take this approach.

Still, if your intentions are right and you’re generally a non-confrontational person then it can really work. Plus it’s probably the least risky thing you can do; so you won’t have a coffee maker flying at your face. Believe me, women have spectacular aim.

Leverage Someone Else’s Story Of Success

This one should be done artfully, and is great if you consider yourself a decent actor (just don’t expect any Oscars. However, a Tony award is never out of the question).

Say you’re sitting down together on the couch and you have your laptop or iPad with you. Pull up a funny/interesting story about weight loss. Do a Google search, or just use this one to save time (it’s about my good friend Jon who ate his way to over 500 pounds, then managed to turn it all around. Very inspirational)

Here’s how it would go:

“Hey babe, check this out! This dude Jon lost over 200 pounds just by making three simple lifestyle changes!”

Then you just read it to her, or let her read it and chill back and do something else. Don’t sit there waiting for her reaction. If she knows she has gained a bit of weight, then 90% of the time she will bite. What she says is anyone’s guess. But whatever it is, be ready for it and be supportive. From there you can mention how you want to get your shit together and that you want her to help.

In essence, this technique is similar to the one I mentioned earlier, but you’re giving it a nudge. You’re blowing on the fire. But remember, I said that this should be done artfully.

Again, women aren’t dumb and if you come across like you desperately want her to lose weight to fulfill your needs than this shit will backfire. She’ll get the hint and will explode in your face… and not in the way you like.

Now what should you do if she doesn’t bite? Well then you just leave and forget about it. Do not bring up some other “interesting” weight loss fact in a few days because now she’ll get the hint. One random article about losing weight is cool and interesting. But three in a row? Now you’re trying to hint at something instead of growing a pair of balls and just speaking.

Relate To Her

couple-happy-sunset-motivationIf Leveraging Someone Else’s Story fails, then you can directly transition into this technique as long as it makes sense.

Say you’ve noticed your woman gain some weight but you don’t possess the body of Greek god either. You know you have a few pounds to lose, so the best thing to do is to leverage this little flaw of yours.

Quick Recap: You bring up a fact, she reads it and doesn’t bite. Then after a few minutes you say, “You know what babe? If that dude can lose over 200lbs, then I can get in better shape as well. I think I’m going to start doing something about my fatness and join a gym.”

(Wait for her response… whether is positive or negative is irrelevant)

“You know, this is important to me and I could use your support in the gym. Why don’t you join with me? It’s going to be super sexy seeing you workout and it will motivate me. I’ll even let you tell me what to do till I sweat buckets!

See that little nugget of gold I underlined? Yeah that is the magic bullet. Honestly, if your woman doesn’t want to JUMP at the chance of telling you what to do for an hour straight, then something isn’t right.

I mean, every woman has that one secret goal: to tame their man and turn him into a well trained monkey, and if you’re giving her outright permission to do so, she better jump ship. If not, check to see if she’s suffering from depression.

Also, you can (obviously) use this technique by itself. Instead of letting her read an article you can just bring it up during a conversation and be like “So I was reading this interesting article the other day about how a man lost 200 pounds by making 3 simple lifestyle changes…”. You get the idea.

The Hardcore Method: Man The Fuck Up

beast-modeI need to put forth a fair warning before you consider my personal favorite way of going about this: DO NOT use this if…

  1. You aren’t 100% congruent in your actions as a man
  2. You know your woman won’t respond well to this approach
  3. You guys don’t currently have an active and wild sex life

I’m not playing around fellas.

If you are non-threatening, don’t usually speak up for yourself, afraid to pee in the urinal next, always take orders from your woman, don’t workout regularly, think that throwing her against a wall and biting her neck in the process is “violent” or “degrading” then really… don’t bother.

You’re better off with the subtle and artful techniques outlined above.

However, if you know what you stand for then here is the catch-22: you probably don’t need me to tell you what to do.

Chances are you’ve already told her what’s up and why it’s important she takes care of herself. I usually don’t encounter this as an issue anymore, but there have been times when I felt the need to say something and was just direct about it.

The way I see it is this: if I’m busting my ass to take care of myself and she’s enjoying the fruits of my labor (a sexy hot body she can molest at anytime she wishes) then I expect the same or similar level of commitment on her part. I expect her to have enough self respect to take care of herself.

For the sake of making a point and possibly for your entertainment here is a real-life verbal conversation I had many years back:

“Hey… what’s this? *extra squeeze while giving a hug* Cut down on the beer & chips there party girl!”

*Punches my arm* “Omg shut up! I’m not fat!”

“Don’t be silly, of course you’re not fat. BUT… you’re definitely on fat street, and the destination is 300 pound city. Come back to the land of self-respect where you take care of yourself. It’s sexy.”

“Whatever! Don’t be an asshole”

“I’m no such thing! But you are coming to the gym with me tonight, then we’re going to your favorite restaurant”

And that’s all there is to it. I don’t need a verbal commitment from her, a written promise or any of that bullshit. Just a few sentences are enough to let her know what I’m thinking and what she needs to do to keep my attention. Again, I’m not saying this to be an “asshole” as she said.

What she really means by that last statement is “fuck, i hate it that you’re so honest but you’re right”. The course will be corrected.

“Success! My special lady and I have decided to take care of ourselves. What’s next?”

Getting started is the hardest part. But over time, just general activity such as Hot Yoga or biking together is not going to give you the eye-popping results you’re probably both after.

While working out creates a stimulus for your body to burn fat and grow stronger, if you don’t have a well-designed meal plan in place that is specially designed to help you recover and repair your body, then you can expect results to take up to 3x as long.

Depending on which expert you want to ask, a solid nutrition plan is responsible for 50% of the results. Realistically in my experience (both from training clients and consulting with other high-level coaches) the impact is more like 60 to 70%!

I think you’ll agree that’s quite a significant piece of the puzzle that shouldn’t be ignored. So for a limited time, I’m offering a special 30% discount on custom meal plans so you and your lovely lady can order one. Click the button below for more details – and remember, you don’t pay unless you both see results!

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– Daria Daspin, Trainer and Cheerleading Coach
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About The Author

Coach Sahil is the founder of HTS, a National Deadlift record setter and author of a multitude of books. Click Here to learn more about him.

40 Comments

  • municipal bond tax February 2, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Just be prepared to hear the same thing yourself. It isn’t always the woman in the relationship who has started to “slip”, and contrary to popular belief, men don’t generally take this type of “guidance” any better than women.

    • Coach Sahil M February 2, 2011 at 8:08 pm

      I never said it’s “always the women” that is the problem, but this article was aimed for the man who needs to bring it up to his lady. However, I agree… not all men take it well either. Actually, some are bigger whiners because they crumble along with their delicate egos.

      I might cover that in the future ;)

  • The Girl With No Tattoo February 2, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    As a women who has the ability to be crazy in shape and enjoys the gym but does “Slip” (PS HATE THE PHRASE ‘Slipping a little’) on ocassion I will say this……..If you are not in shape yourself, men, Relating (and initiating a do it together fitness routine) is your ONLY option.

    Everyone else….(my man has the body of a god so…) Initiation is best but please give it a nudge..the one my husband uses is he’ll wait until I’m in a panic for something to wear and suggest clothes he knows i’ve just barely grown out of. Works like a charm. And guess what the FJ method is actually a good one…just do it when things are really going ok in the relationship and you KNOW FOR A FACT that she’s in a good mood.

    • Coach Sahil M February 3, 2011 at 4:58 am

      Hmm, that clothing suggestion is golden, big ups for sharing that missy. As for the dudes emailing me, still skeptical, I think you’ll realize that her last paragraph says it all…

      Always awesome to have some female input.

  • Brash February 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    i think you should do it slowly , and we should help them and don’t just talk : you are very big , we should help each other .
    ” Stop lying to yourself and lying to her” very nice :)

  • Jane February 5, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    “Slipping” and “letteing her(never him)self go” aren’t exactly conducive to a good conversation, especially since the person uttering it is likely not a god himself.

    • Coach Sahil M February 8, 2011 at 10:56 am

      You’ve failed to realize the whole concept of this post (read the title) – it’s how to tell your “GIRLFRIEND or WIFE…” not “ME AND MYSELF…”

      This post isn’t assuming the man is a “god”. However, if you had a bodyweight of X when the two of you met, and now you have a bodyweight of 2X while the man has remained consistent… then there is a topic of discussion right there. You’ve slipped, plain and simple.

      Don’t make this article seem as an extreme woman hating guide, you’re only fooling yourself.

  • Kristin February 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Working out together is a great way to solidify a relationship and help each other to maintain a healthy life and healthy weight.

  • Workout DVD February 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    I know it sounds shallow but I once broke up with a girl for letting her body slip into fat land. Taking care of your body is respect for yourself and for the person your with. I agree working out together is a great idea. I go to the gym with my girlfriend at least 4 days a week and we push eachother.

    • Coach Sahil M February 21, 2011 at 6:36 am

      Nice. Yeah, working out with someone who has the ability to get you sextually motivated is always a plus in my books.

  • Felicity February 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    I think this is extremely refreshing to read… one of the reasons that my last relationship broke down was because my ex wouldn’t be honest with me. He kept saying, “you’re not fat,” and going to the chip shop until I didn’t need to lose 10lbs but 50. I still kind of hate myself for letting things go that way. Annoyingly he always stayed really skinny whilst I gained weight. I think he was quite insecure about me going to the gym, too. I suppose he thought I’d meet someone better. Allowing me to gain several stone seems to have been a good way to guarantee that I wouldn’t…

    There is an interesting point you haven’t mentioned. Many of these ‘hot chicks’ who have ‘let themselves slide’ may really struggle with their self-esteem and gaining a bit of weight might be a symptom of something deeper. I’ve seen many women with eating disorders gain weight once they get a stable, loving relationship… only to relapse hugely when their man feels a little disappointed at the weight she’s gained. This can really tip a woman over the edge.

    Better be sure there’s no underlaying mental health issues before telling a lady she’s on the slide. This could be the opposite of everything she has come to believe about the stability of her relationship and being ‘loved for who she is.’

    Just a point.

    Other than that I really do agree. It’s cruelty to sit back and watch someone you love gain weight, stop exercising, and slide into depression and low self-worth. Gaining weight can result in someone losing their confidence, not wanting to go out, even missing out on promotions at work… I don’t see this as a woman-hating article at all. I think it’s kind of nice…

    • Coach Sahil M February 21, 2011 at 6:34 am

      Always nice to have a level headed woman throw down a comment with some thought behind it. And I agree, mental health issues are a factor… but isn’t it amazing how they disappear once you just get someone’s confidence up by helping them get rid of the lard that burdens their body.

      It’s like with weird creepy dudes who think they are all depressed, lonely and “dark” – but get them laid and suddenly all those mental emo thoughts disappear. These mental problems usually stem from basic needs not being catered to. Like, being alive and feeling healthy. Sex. Being loved and all that magical fairy dust stuff.

  • Christian February 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

    There is a simple way how lose her weight just invite to workout in gym or exercise every morning

  • katherine March 1, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    I am in great shape, but about 6 years ago I used to smoke. I had a boyfriend at the time who wanted me to quit smoking. I imagine these are similar situations.
    I did eventually quit, but it was ME who had to do it (with a shit-ton of willpower). No amount of insults (“slipping”) or insults to my intelligence (“worried about your health”) would have worked. His behaviour made me question his intentions, and actually made me want to smoke more in front of him, just to show he wasn’t in control.
    If I truly cared about my girlfriend/wife (and not just about the way she looks), I would go with the “relating” option.
    Also, I do not think this is a woman-hating article at all, but I thought I would chime in with my 2 cents about how I would react.

    • Coach Sahil M March 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

      It’s similar… sort of. Quitting smoking is psychological as well as highly chemical. Getting in shape is 80% psychological and 20% execution. Good to hear your 2 cents but remember, the options are based on men’s personalities and comfort zones.

      Even if I TRULY cared about a particular woman, the way I’d go about it would be the same. Direct approach. Because that’s just me.

  • Laurel March 29, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    I know you addressed this, but I still am sitting here saying to myself “how do I get my husband to drop 30 lbs.?” He would get angry if I said something too direct, but I’ve tried every less than brutal way, and he doesn’t seem to care. At least not more than he cares about food and hates exercise. He’s 57, so being in shape is more important than ever, we’re in heart attack territory. Please write an article on what motivates men to lose weight.

  • Chloe April 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Your last approach seems like the best one! thats a good one fellas. Im a girl, and I approve. it was sweet, and to the point,

  • Tony April 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I’m a US Marine, so staying fit is a very important part of my life, my wife has “slipped” since we got married and seems to show no desire to lose weight or help her health, I have tried pretty much every way that u covered to tell her/help her, she complains about her weight constantly but doesn’t put forth the effort to change it, any advice?

  • Stephanie April 20, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Best to keep your mouth shut on that topic!

    • Coach Sahil M April 24, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      Yeah I don’t think so. Don’t expect to go through life always hearing what you WANT to hear… it’s the mentality of a loser.

  • Bohdan May 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    I tried to inspire one of my ex girlfriends and told her how I felt about her lack of fitness focus. She said I needed a reality check, that many girls did not work out and wished me good luck in finding a girl that did. Let’s suffice it to say that a few short weeks after that conversation I put her advice to effect and upgraded to a better model.

    Great article!

  • img May 25, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    I think this article is useful and straightforward. There are women and men who simply get comfortable in a relationship and stop caring how they look. And there are these politically correct individuals who say that it doesn’t matter how one looks and that we love the man/woman in our life ‘as they are’. Sorry, I disagree. I am a woman, and I feel I must keep myself in shape both for my own self-esteem and for my man. I don’t expect him to ‘love me as I am’ if I gain 100 lbs. In the process of dating/getting to know each other, find out what your would be partner in life thinks about this topic. This is very relevant for keeping your relationship alive and exciting. Women and men, let’s have a reality check once in a while, keep ourselves in shape and stop putting unrealistic demands on the people in our lives. Good article!

  • kanata clinic June 10, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Great article! No matter how you put it, its gonna hurt a little , mostly because we know you’re right! Being a part of the solution and the support that offers makes a world of difference.

  • fortheradio August 20, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    I am a woman. My advice to all women who refuse to lose the weight, PLEASE lose the weight for yourself. Why? When a man decides to leave you, then what? You will be left with two options, a downgrade or loneliness. Staying in shape will not land you the perfect man, but it will give you more options of finding something close to it. An upgraded product is always necessary when you’re dumped. The best revenge? Love well, and Live well…..

  • zach2811 September 2, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    I have dated my girl for two years, i met her in collage. She has never been a fit girl but since we have been dating she has really lost it (put on 60 LBS). We have graduated now and she has put the pressure on for marriage ( since so many of our friends are doing it). I have never said anything about her weight because she always talks about it, but tonight when she was putting the screws to me about getting married I told her that her weight was a main reason why I havent poppet question. Ive always been to scared to say anything, but im glad I did. Hopefully she will talk to me tomorrow and try to change herself. The thing that really gets me is that before I talked to her tonight she talks about going on diets (and having digestive problems) she will do good for a week then she will tell me she is drinking a milkshake WTF?

    • Coach Sahil M September 4, 2011 at 1:15 am

      What makes you think that a woman who cannot even commit to a simple diet will be able to commit to you for the rest of her life? Be careful with this one. She either gets her act together, or you can do better. You have one life and there are 7 BILLION people on this planet… surely there is no reason to settle down with someone who cannot take themselves seriously.

      But that’s just me. Good luck.

  • T5 December 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    We got married very young and her body was rock hard. We have two children, both teenagers. Stay at home wife/mom not interested in getting her saggy ass or cellulite filled legs in any better shape. I’ve struggled with this for the past couple years but now looking at it that I only have 4 years until the kids are off to college and I am out of here. I’ve tried everything you suggested, unlimited amount of money to do whatever she wants- personal trainer, clothes- yet she still wears sweats, looks like an unkept woman most of the time…..I’m at the end of the rope. Just went on tropical vacation and I have to turn away when she gets up because I can’t stand looking at her ass.

    • Coach Sahil M January 15, 2012 at 9:53 am

      Indeed, dump that unmotivated soul and move on. Why would you commit to someone who can’t commit their best to you? But I have to point out that the fact that you’re hanging around till you kids end up in college gets mad respect from me. In fact, that’s how it should be done.

      You’re gona find yourself a hottie, and you’ll be better off for it. You live only once – why be forced to live with a person that doesn’t want the best for themselves and you? Makes no sense to me.

    • lisahpost May 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

      Hey dickwad she had your kids right? then seriously the cellulite comes with kids and having kids changes the body so suck it the hell up. It wasnt like you had to carry a freakin person inside you and shoot it out your dick was it? You know what maybe she is unkempt and not looking her best but if thats how you talk about the women who gave birth to your children then you are a shamless shit head and need your arse kicked!
       
      ps before you jump all over me and say im a fatty that is sticking up for another fatty i had five kids and im smokin freakin hot, but it LUCK AND GENETICS some women cant help that belly and marks from kids and its a crap arse thing to rag on them for it! and maybe she is fat cos you treat her like crap cos my husband supported me and said he loved me no matter what size i was so i felt like i would keep my ass hot for him!
       
       
       
       

      • Bruce July 27, 2014 at 2:00 am

        “said he loved me no matter what size I was”

        Newsflash: he’s lying.

        Don’t believe me? Try gaining 50lbs.

        Granted I couldn’t date someone with grade 3 grammar so I guess I’m a dickwad too…

    • Brandon July 22, 2013 at 1:49 pm

      Your wife deserves better than you.

  • la12 January 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Coach Sahil,

    I have been dating a girl for 3 years and she has always been overweight since we started dating. She has a great person and has everything I want in a person, but the weight issue. I have encouraged exercise by example and she has even gone a few times to the gym, but she has a busy schedule, doesn’t like getting up early (which is the only way she can get in a workout because of her schedule). We have talked about getting married and I woke up yesterday thinking I do not want to marry someone who is overweight. I make a point to take care of myself and I want my spouse one day to do the same. It has begun to effect my way looking at her sexually (and we have a great sex), but it does bother me. I am not trying to be shallow. Please advise.

  • facedancer June 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I remember my boyfriend’s reaction when I started with the “do you think I’m fat?” questions (here’s a picture of a fatty me: http://cs4212.userapi.com/u911071/94124317/x_f86baab0.jpg).
    He looked at me closely and said: “Well I think you can put on up to 10kgs more and I’ll be alright with that.”
     
    And that was a really cool thing to say. He both made me feel good about myself and showed his concern, and in no way I could blame him for calling me fat, since he didn’t. And he also showed that while he likes me as I am he doens’t play the “you are a princess anyhow” game. Win-win.
     
    Also, a bit of advice: if you want to start the conversation, wait for after she’s got her period. PMS depression will ruin all your efforts at diplomacy, and chances are, after “that time” is over she’d be in a better mood, more energetic and much better fit for starting both exersice and diet.

  • Leah July 22, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    I had to comment. This is to golden not to. Every relationship I have been in the man I have been with has always loved my body. Being the kinda woman who is always looking to self improve…I personally know when I have gained weight. In regards to waiting till she “initiates it”…dont be the dude thats a flake and denies noticing that she has gained weight. Sometimes you need that validation from someone close to you, that yes, you are right, you have gained weight..now, what are you going to do about it? Some women have scale fear (me) and just like to go by how their clothes fit and look in the mirror…so if your woman brings it up…be honest with her. Just cause you love her body and the weight gain may be “minor”…dont deny it when she brings it up…if you have noticed she’s gained weight…agree with her. There is nothing worse then knowing you have gained weight then your bf sugar coating it… Some women may not agree…but I prefer honesty. If you still think she looks amazing despite the weight gain…just say…ya you gained weight, but I still think you look amazing. Sell it straight.

  • Sarah July 23, 2013 at 5:44 am

    This is the most FUCKING stupid article I have ever read. Who cares what someone weighs. GET A LIFE MAN!!!!!

  • Marlene July 24, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    Who cares what someone weighs? Just about everybody. And there are plenty of institutions for people with delusional thoughts like “looks don’t matter; it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” We all know better.
    Best FitJerk response: “why stare at a ass that makes you gag when you can have an ass that makes you wag your weiner?”
    I will no longer claim my milkshake brings boys to the yard opting instead, for weiner wagging!

  • Larry December 26, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    It’s terrible for a woman to let herself go and become a whale. But a woman doesn’t have to have the same body type as the blonde that you showed in this picture to be hot. I mean she can be a little heavier and have some more hips than that. And she can have that natural smooth appearance women had back then(before the 1950s) too. Some attractive women will have BMI’s of 21 or even 23 instead of 19 or under.

    Maybe if women weren’t told that their attractiveness drops when their BMI is a little above 20, they wouldn’t “give up” so easily. Some women are naturally a little bigger because they have an endomorph body type. It’s like when you study hard in school and still get a bad mark, you give up and just fail.

    And remember it’s the hip to waist ratio. It’s when her waist becomes bigger than 30 inches that it becomes a problem. And/or her face becomes fat.

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  • Missbiscuit_uk April 23, 2014 at 11:42 am

    My ex used to tell me he’d leave if I put on weight, it made me feel so worthless :( My figure is a healthy 33-25-36 and I’d always felt confident and happy with my body prior to his comments. But he’d point out any area where he thought I might be gaining the tiniest bit of fat :( He even told me how bloated I was looking in public once in front of a stranger (who looked appalled). I became far more self critical as a result, and am now trying to undo the damage caused by listening to his criticism. If you love someone, you help them stay fit and healthy through positive ways that boost self esteem. Most women will put on weight due to pregnancy at some point, so a loving partner must be able to adjust their expectations and accept that women’s bodies naturally change over time. If a guy can’t do that, is it ever love in the first place? I think love protects and supports. It never humiliates or belittles and it never threatens. You might be justified in tackling the subject quite bluntly with a partner who is damaging their health through obesity, but what if the woman’s weight is within the healthy range and the guy just prefers her skinny? How is it in HER interest then to be told she should lose weight? I think this article really needs to clarify the difference between personal preference and health concerns, and acknowledge that some men dehumanise and objectify their partners through this insistence on maintaining a specific figure type which HE defines as attractive.

  • Outraged November 18, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    Hey I just have to add my two cents on this article and all the comments that follow (I am not a vegan, nor am I gluten free but I am a feminist, which contrary to your reddit-fueled view does not mean that I am “trigger-prone” or morally offended by the topic of a womans weight… It literally just means I believe in equal rights for women and men)

    I will start by saying that there are legitimate health concerns for being overweight and those should absolutely be addressed. BUT it is NEVER a boyfriends/husbands place to be the one to address that issue. And your hardcore method is so demeaning… I don’t even know where to begin with that. My offence to that method does not mean I don’t have a strong personality or can’t handle brutal honesty…. It just means I think you are an arrogant prick for ever saying that to a woman. You have no right to tell a woman if she is a healthy weight, that is completely dependent on her body type, her genetics, other lifestyle considerations, and her doctors advice.

    There are many different reasons women gain weight – stress, birth control pill, genetics, depression/mental health issues etc…. By stating that women who gain weight are unmotivated and lazy slobs is so unfair. It’s also unfair to equate your effort to staying healthy with her effort. Men have much higher basal metabolic rates than woman, and it is so much harder for them to lose weight, and so much easier for them to gain weight. In addition, you men have the bonus of lots of testosterone and only small amounts of estrogen which means you have the ideal hormonal balance to be in shape for your reproductive years. Ladies have lots of estrogen, and very little testosterone which puts us in a hormonal state that is prone to weight gain basically preparing our bodies to support another human life.

    Maybe a more constructive method for men who are concerned about their ladies weight is to evaluate their habits in the relationship… Maybe they are creating additional stressors for her or maybe they are not creating a positive and empowering environment for her to be motivated to lose weight.

    Lastly, I completely acknowledge that physical attraction is necessary in a relationship. However, I will add that its a cop-out for men to say they are hard-wired for sexual attractiveness – female sexuality is culturally dependent. Also has largely been debunked that male desire for a “fit” women is not primal nor is it biological. Physical attractiveness should not be the only factor that carries your marriage or relationship, which many of you have implied in your comments. Ladies, find a man who encourages and empowers you to be the best version of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Men, if you truly love your lady you will support her unconditionally, and always make her feel like the most important person in your world regardless of her physical appearance.

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  • By A Raw Interview With Nia Shanks on August 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    […] of “encouraging” someone to lose weight/get healthier. I wrote the article “How To Tell Your Girlfriend Or Wife She Needs To Lose Weight…” and got a whole crap load of email and comments from women everywhere expressing their […]

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