Yes I know, this is a sensitive topic that most wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole.
Especially in this day and age when gluten free vegan feminists start rampaging on Twitter the moment you even mention “women” and “weight” in the same sentence.
But I didn’t write this for them. Nor did I write this for dick-head guys who don’t know how to treat their lady. I wrote this for real men who are genuinely concerned about their female partner, and want to help them steer towards change.
So to those men I say: I know exactly where you’re coming from. I feel you. When you see your woman lose her goddess like figure right in front of your eyes, you feel helpless. You feel like you need to save her. You feel like you should do something. I mean if you love your mistress, you should encourage what’s best for her, right?
Well of course!
But what happens when we try to verbalize our positive intentions?
We are rewarded with tears, slaps, scratches and household objects that end up doing double duty as projectiles aimed right at our faces.
And that’s only in the house. God forbid she spins the story and rants about it on social media. That’s when you’re truly fucked.
If it sounds like I’ve been there, then you are correct.
So the first thing you need to do is think about why you need to bring up this conversation. Do you want her to lose weight only for your selfish needs? If so, you’re an idiot. If she’s gained like three pounds and it bothers you then suck it up. It’s not worth it. Hell, my female clients fluctuate by as much as 5 pounds sometimes. That’s just how their bodies work.
However, if she’s gained like 30 and it’s starting to become a legitimate health issue, then I believe that you have the moral obligation to bring this up. Even “if” you get slapped.
A Quick Note To The Five (Skeptical) Women Who Are Reading This Out Of Curiosity
Know that 95% of the time when your man is making an attempt to ask you to become ‘healthier’, its coming from a good heart and with positive intentions.
We men are visual, and we get turned on by your physical features. Yes, your personality is important and it’s crucial that you have a brain, but when it comes down to feeling that primal sexual desire we are hard-wired for looks.
So don’t hate the way we’re made.
Feel fortunate that your man gives enough of a shit to make sure that you stay healthy even though you’ve decided to let yourself go. Not many individuals want to pick up someone that has fallen – usually you have to do that yourself, or seek professional help.
It’s an act of love, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. And please, for the love of god, don’t bring out the tears. You’ll need all those electrolytes for the gym.
Oh, and if you have suggestions on how men should approach this topic, there’s a full-functioning comment section below. Be my guest.
With That Said… Gentleman, Let’s Get To It.
Listed below are suggestions (or “tactics” I guess you could call them) in an order I decided to use to make our lives easier. But feel free to use what feels best. This is a “choose your own adventure” type scenario.
Start With The Right Intent
As weird as this may sound, I have to admit that woman are really (and I mean freakishly) good at picking up your energy and intent. You genuinely have to approach this topic from a position of someone who cares and gives a shit about her. If not, and it’s coming from a selfish place she’ll pick up on it. You can fake your words all you want, but your inner self is always coming through and it’s really hard to hide.
This is the exact reason why certain guys get harshly rejected when they compliment a woman, yet others will get a smile and a warm reception.
If you really think she looks pretty in that dress and are saying it to make her day, not many woman will hate you. Get it? Good.
Nipping The Problem At The Bud
So first of all, you should only ever date the type of women you know you want. Don’t know the type of women you want? Well then sit down and write it out. Seriously. Doing this seems shallow at first but in the long run you’ll be saving yourself (and her) lots of time. Plus it’s honest, and that’s never a bad thing.
It’s a total douche move to get into a relationship with a chick and have her believe that you truly like her… all the while you know that you just “settled” because she was willing to have you. Lame. Don’t be such a fucking loser. It’s unfair to you and more importantly, her.
Have some standards. Take myself for example. I’m into women who work out and have the self respect to take care of their bodies. I don’t care if they don’t lift, but they should be into some type of physical activity.
Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get to some real problem solving techniques
The Brutal Honesty Method
Some señoritas don’t like it when you beat around the bush (pun intended). They are almost like us men in that regard – they prefer that you speak directly to their face, without any bullshit or sugar coating.
Personally, I get stiff around these types of women because they are just so much fun to hang with.
So, if you know your woman to be of this sort then consider yourself lucky. You can just come out with it. But that doesn’t mean you need to be an asshole about it either.
Telling her she looks like a cow or a whale or telling her she’s getting “fat” is basically a death sentence. She might love honesty, but she also loves to honestly whoop your ass. Here’s a more reasonable way to go about it.
“Hey, I want you to start coming to the gym with me. I could use a partner”
“Huh? Why what are you trying to say? That I’m fat?”
“This isn’t the Biggest Loser, you’re not fat but we both know you’re slipping a little. I care about you, and want you to be healthy. You take pride in every other area of your life, so why not this?”
That’s just one example off the top of my head. If you’re reading that and thinking “that would never work” then I sense two problems. One, you’re not with a brutally honest woman like you thought you were… so try something else.
Or two, you didn’t bother coming up with your own conversation starter. Brainstorm! This isn’t welfare where I just hand it all for you. But I will give you one more way to approach this if you happen to be in the same boat as her and want to start working out together.
“Listen babe, we do a lot of amazing things together and I think we need to take better care of ourselves.”
“What?! You look fine. You don’t think I do?”
“No we’re not fine. In the last month we’ve eaten at XYZ every week, gone ABC places and did nothing but indulge. And it was awesome. But we need to balance that shit. Now I’m going to [insert your plan of action] starting next week. Are you in, or am I going to have to drag your ass with me? Because I’ll need your support”
What we’re doing here is using facts to our advantage but also leading. Women love when you make the plans, move forward and bring her along for the ride while making it fun. If it doesn’t love it, she’ll let you know.
Trust me on this one.
Wait For Her To Initiate (The Patience Method)
Look, women aren’t stupid (surprise, you ape!)
If they’re starting to put on unwanted weight, then chances are they realize it and will sooner or later will bring it up. “Do I look fat in these jeans” is the all time classic statement for a reason.
But in my experience, they rarely ever say such Hollywood garbage. Still, it doesn’t matter how it happens because it will. The line she uses is arbitrary and irrelevant. You just need to make sure that once she brings it up, you’re ready to make your move. Let’s play through an example…
“Hey, I think I’ve put on a bit of weight lately… am I fat to you?”
“Don’t be silly, have you seen the biggest loser? That’s considered FAT. However, because I care about you and your well being I don’t want to lie to you, I think you’ve slipped slightly, babe.”
“Omg! Really? This sucks… I hate feeling this way”
“Well it’s nothing to be all worried about. Why don’t we start cooking healthy meals more often instead of going out to eat? Oh and we can join this fun boot camp or even a salsa dancing class. I know you can dance girl!”
The good thing about waiting for the initiation is that she can’t really blame you. I mean first of all she brought it up and second of all, you were just being honest. You honest chap you. If she starts to throw a fit you can just be like “Why the fuck do you want me to lie to you? Is that what you really want? Empty compliments? I thought honesty was important”… etc.
The bad part about this little technique is that you have zero control of when it will happen. It could take her a few weeks, a month of maybe a year. And sometimes the problem could get seriously out of control which is why personally, I would never take this approach.
Still, if your intentions are right and you’re generally a non-confrontational person then it can really work. Plus it’s probably the least risky thing you can do; so you won’t have a coffee maker flying at your face. Believe me, women have spectacular aim.
Leverage Someone Else’s Story Of Success
This one should be done artfully, and is great if you consider yourself a decent actor (just don’t expect any Oscars. However, a Tony award is never out of the question).
Say you’re sitting down together on the couch and you have your laptop or iPad with you. Pull up a funny/interesting story about weight loss. Do a Google search, or just use this one to save time (it’s about my good friend Jon who ate his way to over 500 pounds, then managed to turn it all around. Very inspirational)
Here’s how it would go:
“Hey babe, check this out! This dude Jon lost over 200 pounds just by making three simple lifestyle changes!”
Then you just read it to her, or let her read it and chill back and do something else. Don’t sit there waiting for her reaction. If she knows she has gained a bit of weight, then 90% of the time she will bite. What she says is anyone’s guess. But whatever it is, be ready for it and be supportive. From there you can mention how you want to get your shit together and that you want her to help.
In essence, this technique is similar to the one I mentioned earlier, but you’re giving it a nudge. You’re blowing on the fire. But remember, I said that this should be done artfully.
Again, women aren’t dumb and if you come across like you desperately want her to lose weight to fulfill your needs than this shit will backfire. She’ll get the hint and will explode in your face… and not in the way you like.
Now what should you do if she doesn’t bite? Well then you just leave and forget about it. Do not bring up some other “interesting” weight loss fact in a few days because now she’ll get the hint. One random article about losing weight is cool and interesting. But three in a row? Now you’re trying to hint at something instead of growing a pair of balls and just speaking.
Relate To Her
If Leveraging Someone Else’s Story fails, then you can directly transition into this technique as long as it makes sense.
Say you’ve noticed your woman gain some weight but you don’t possess the body of Greek god either. You know you have a few pounds to lose, so the best thing to do is to leverage this little flaw of yours.
Quick Recap: You bring up a fact, she reads it and doesn’t bite. Then after a few minutes you say, “You know what babe? If that dude can lose over 200lbs, then I can get in better shape as well. I think I’m going to start doing something about my fatness and join a gym.”
(Wait for her response… whether is positive or negative is irrelevant)
“You know, this is important to me and I could use your support in the gym. Why don’t you join with me? It’s going to be super sexy seeing you workout and it will motivate me. I’ll even let you tell me what to do till I sweat buckets!”
See that little nugget of gold I underlined? Yeah that is the magic bullet. Honestly, if your woman doesn’t want to JUMP at the chance of telling you what to do for an hour straight, then something isn’t right.
I mean, every woman has that one secret goal: to tame their man and turn him into a well trained monkey, and if you’re giving her outright permission to do so, she better jump ship. If not, check to see if she’s suffering from depression.
Also, you can (obviously) use this technique by itself. Instead of letting her read an article you can just bring it up during a conversation and be like “So I was reading this interesting article the other day about how a man lost 200 pounds by making 3 simple lifestyle changes…”. You get the idea.
The Hardcore Method: Man The Fuck Up
I need to put forth a fair warning before you consider my personal favorite way of going about this: DO NOT use this if…
- You aren’t 100% congruent in your actions as a man
- You know your woman won’t respond well to this approach
- You guys don’t currently have an active and wild sex life
I’m not playing around fellas.
If you are non-threatening, don’t usually speak up for yourself, afraid to pee in the urinal next, always take orders from your woman, don’t workout regularly, think that throwing her against a wall and biting her neck in the process is “violent” or “degrading” then really… don’t bother.
You’re better off with the subtle and artful techniques outlined above.
However, if you know what you stand for then here is the catch-22: you probably don’t need me to tell you what to do.
Chances are you’ve already told her what’s up and why it’s important she takes care of herself. I usually don’t encounter this as an issue anymore, but there have been times when I felt the need to say something and was just direct about it.
The way I see it is this: if I’m busting my ass to take care of myself and she’s enjoying the fruits of my labor (a sexy hot body she can molest at anytime she wishes) then I expect the same or similar level of commitment on her part. I expect her to have enough self respect to take care of herself.
For the sake of making a point and possibly for your entertainment here is a real-life verbal conversation I had many years back:
“Hey… what’s this? *extra squeeze while giving a hug* Cut down on the beer & chips there party girl!”
*Punches my arm* “Omg shut up! I’m not fat!”
“Don’t be silly, of course you’re not fat. BUT… you’re definitely on fat street, and the destination is 300 pound city. Come back to the land of self-respect where you take care of yourself. It’s sexy.”
“Whatever! Don’t be an asshole”
“I’m no such thing! But you are coming to the gym with me tonight, then we’re going to your favorite restaurant”
And that’s all there is to it. I don’t need a verbal commitment from her, a written promise or any of that bullshit. Just a few sentences are enough to let her know what I’m thinking and what she needs to do to keep my attention. Again, I’m not saying this to be an “asshole” as she said.
What she really means by that last statement is “fuck, i hate it that you’re so honest but you’re right”. The course will be corrected.
“Success! My special lady and I have decided to take care of ourselves. What’s next?”
Getting started is the hardest part. But over time, just general activity such as Hot Yoga or biking together is not going to give you the eye-popping results you’re probably both after.
While working out creates a stimulus for your body to burn fat and grow stronger, if you don’t have a well-designed meal plan in place that is specially designed to help you recover and repair your body, then you can expect results to take up to 3x as long.
Depending on which expert you want to ask, a solid nutrition plan is responsible for 50% of the results. Realistically in my experience (both from training clients and consulting with other high-level coaches) the impact is more like 60 to 70%!
I think you’ll agree that’s quite a significant piece of the puzzle that shouldn’t be ignored. So for a limited time, I’m offering a special 30% discount on custom meal plans so you and your lovely lady can order one. Click the button below for more details – and remember, you don’t pay unless you both see results!
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